Worrying and over-planning....

..is over-rated!!!

This coming from a worrier and a SUPER planner. I've always liked to have things all lined up in a row, perfectly ready for any obstacle or bump in the road. That's probably one reason why pregnancy was freeing for me in a way. There's no way you can plan or know how things are going to go for you. When I thought about pregnancy before it would make me extremely nervous, because I knew it was a whole 10 months of uncertainty. It was funny going through it, because I wasn't nearly as nervous as I anticipated myself to be when not knowing what the next week might bring. I think I learned a lot of "letting go" during that time.

As I see our lives unfolding and plans emerging, I can't help but see how things really do just "work out". I always hated that phrase, because there's always that possibility that they just don't! WHAT IF things just don't work out?! It's a little sad to me writing that out!

For example, at 20 weeks, Nate and I were really trying to nail down what we would do about child care. It wasn't in our plans for me to become a stay at home mom. I only worked part time prior, and I would continue to do my 2 days a week at the hospital. But, still, what would we do those 2 days? We assumed family that was near by would help. When we found out that might not be a possibility, of course the fretting, worrying, and concern started setting in. What were we going to do?! I didn't plan day care, much less the EXPENSE of day care. Oh no, Oh no!! Talk about me freaking out. *insert (cliche) everything will "work out"* So as the weeks went on, we didn't really have a good plan. All i knew was the closer it got to him being here the less I wanted to leave him, and the more my desire to be with him during the day grew, despite the fact that we couldn't swing that financially!

Worrying about it was useless though, now that I see. Towards the last few weeks of my maternity leave, I believe the Lord showed me the way to satisfy both needs! I've worked day shift my entire nursing career. One day I was sitting here and the idea of working night shift popped in my head! Hmm?? Could it be possible to work 2 nights a week and still take care of my little man during the day? Would it be physically possible? Where there's a will, there's a way!!

I worked my first night shift this past Monday night. It was a lot less crazy and a little more chill. Still busy, but different than on day shift. You don't have the family members, doctors, food services, imgaing services, surgeries (unless an emergency surgery), student nurses, or anyone else around at night. Just you, the other nurses, techs, and your patients on a quiet, sleepy floor (for the most part). It seems to be better for now. Tuesday was pretty difficult, getting only a few cat naps in while Luke slept. But I made it!!! That's the important thing. I'll let you know how doing 2 nights in a row works out. I do that next week, but then don't have to go back for a whole 7 days. I also switched to self- scheduling, so I basically work when I want to. All in all, I think it's a good fit. Is it easy? No, but that's ok. "Just DO It". I always think of the bumper sticker my mom put on our homework desk when we were kids. The Nike logo always seemed to help keep things in perspective. No whining, fussing, or crying about it. Just do it!!

I'm thankful I'm able to be with him during the day. And it all WORKED OUT! All the things I worried about and fretted over and tried to plan at 20 weeks and on didn't even turn out that way. A totally different plan unraveled that I never would have thought of. It really wasn't worth all the stressing, and I see that now. Too bad hind sight is 20/20. :)

I'm not writing this in any way, shape, or form, to criticize working moms. Hopefully I haven't portrayed that. I'm a working mom. :) And I know MANY working mothers! There isn't a "right way" of doing things, just different ways and avenues to make things work for your family. This is just our way and our specific desire. Every family is different. :) I hope and pray to continually strive to let go and let God. Another cliche, but it really is true. He is good and will always provide. He will never give us more than we can handle. That truth reminds me of Luke's NICU experience. I'll blog about that next, i believe. :)