Yay!!

So, we had our first appointment, yesterday! The doctor said the baby looks PERFECT! He/she had a good, strong heartbeat at 154 beats/minute, which we got to hear! So awesome! With our first pregnancy, we saw the heartbeat but never heard it. We were ecstatic, and still are!! We're so thankful to God for allowing us to come this far and to have good news with this one! She said we had every reason to be excited an happy with this one, that everything looks perfect! I'll be 10 weeks tomorrow, and our official due date is July 27! Yippee!!

Here's a picture of our little one...

New lab numbers!

Praise the Lord!! I got my numbers back and the progesterone is normal, and the hcg looks great, too! And I'm feeling great, as well. Just TIRED! But that's ok. Looking forward to that 2nd trimester that everyone talks about and it's glorious energy that apparently comes!

Praying daily for this little one!

Almost December!

Wow, I can't believe this year is almost over!! It's almost December, almost Christmas! So excited! I had some lab work drawn last week, and the number that was low last time is also low this time, but not as bad. They started me on progesterone, again.. so here we are with the extreme fatigue and drowsiness it causes. But that's ok! If it means our baby will thrive, I'm all for it. Bring it on!

Right now, I have no other symptoms of an impending miscarriage like last time, thankfully. Everything else feels and seems pretty normal, as far as I know, so I'm not worrying! No need to worry until something happens. As much as I wish they had told me all the numbers looked perfectly normal, I'm trusting the Lord. His plan is sovereign, even if the worst happens. Just don't want to think about that yet. :) I'm just enjoying being pregnant right now and thankful for this baby.

Thanksgiving was pretty uneventful, since I had to work. Don't worry, Nate saved me leftovers. I missed not being part of the cooking mayhem that happens in my family. I love all the preparation and stress that goes into the meal. I know, call me crazy. I've been off the whole rest of the weekend, until Wednesday. My super cute nephew turned 1 Thanksgiving day, and we had his party Friday which was a blast! Other than that, we've been relaxing. Nate took off today, so we're excited to spend it together.

So just praying continually for everything involving this pregnancy. I'll be 6 weeks on Wednesday. :)

So much to be thankful for!

It's been awhile since I wrote on here. Work has kept things very busy the last month or so, and is still going strong, but I had to write about the happenings here lately.

God is so surprising, and His timing is always perfect. I pray I never question His will or His ways and can always keep in mind that no matter how tough, or how great, God's plan is sovereign. And for that, I'm SO thankful that we don't have to figure it out on our own or worry about the outcome of life. He's got it all and will have it all throughout eternity. What a relief!!

Summing all of that together, I'm so thrilled to say that Nate and I are expecting again! We just found out a few days ago, much to our surprise. It wasn't something I thought I was ready for, yet, but again, God's plan is perfect and His way is perfect. What a huge, unexpected blessing!!

Upon finding out, my immediate thoughts and feelings were of fear, from what happened with our miscarriage in July. My whole reasoning behind not being ready was honestly not being ready to go through it again, if it did in fact happen, and not being ready to start trying, possibly subjecting myself to another broken heart. It sounds ridiculous as I type it out. Our God isn't a God of chance, and we don't have to look towards experiences with a negative perspective. An amazing friend of mine pointed out that I can't be in control of situations. All the eggs can't be in a row perfectly before I'm ready to begin a journey. So with that in mind, giving up control was the goal. And that I did, and look what God did in the midst. I'm not saying He did that as a result, but because of the new desire to let go of control, it was much easier for me to let go of the fear that gripped me as soon as I saw that positive pregnancy test.

She also reminded me the importance of being a good steward of the Lord's blessing. Thanking Him with my life and my attitude of faith, because He has been faithful to me! He has blessed us once again with a baby forming inside my womb, and I'm rejoicing!! I honestly didn't think I would be able to. I was scared from miscarrying about my feelings regarding the next, if the Lord blessed us in that way again. I was scared I wouldn't be able to just relax and be happy, but would be fearful and nervous the entire pregnancy. Thank the Lord, and Praise Him that I'm not scared.

We are SO ecstatic. We are so thankful and so blessed to have another journey and experience with pregnancy. We're praying for this child, for it's life and to hopefully meet this little one, this side of Heaven!

"For this child I prayed, and the LORD has granted me my petition that I made to him." 1 Samuel 1:27

Getting there...

So here is my latest and last creation of this specific class. The next class starts next week, and I've decided to keep going! It's a gum-paste and fondant class that should be fuuuun!! This cake is a 2-layer butter cake, with a butter cream icing and lemon filling.


Making the border flowers at home before the class


An inside view


The final product!

No Matter What

Sometimes I hear songs on the radio over and over without listening to the lyrics, but after multiple replays something strikes me to actually listen, and I'm completely wow'd! I'm always surprised at how long I've heard the song and hadn't appreciated the words until that minute. That happened today in the car as I was driving down the highway towards our house. I immediately fell in love with this song that I've heard numerous times on the radio, but never truly listened to. It speaks a lot to the truths and the promises that have been revealed to me by the Lord, since the miscarriage. God has been so good to patiently and lovingly reveal to me His ways and His ultimate plan that is far more perfect than I could ever imagine. I don't know His plan, and may never know it on this side of glory, but I do know that His plan IS perfect no matter what I want. I've become a lot more aware of the truth that His ways are higher, even if they hurt. And we can have peace in His ways and His plans, no matter how difficult they may be. So, here are the lyrics! (italics added by me)

No Matter What
Kerrie Roberts

I’m running back to Your promises one more time
Lord, that’s all I can hold on to
I’ve gotta say this has taken me by surprise
But nothing surprises You

Before a heartache can ever touch my life
It has to go through Your hands
And even though I keep asking why

No matter what, I’m gonna love You
No matter what, I’m gonna need You
I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain
But if not, I’ll trust You
No matter what

When I’m stuck in this nothingness by myself
I’m just sitting in silence
There’s no way I can make it without Your help
I won’t even try it

I know You have Your reasons for everything
So I will keep believing
Whatever I might be feeling
God, You are my hope, and You’ll be my strength

Anything I don’t have, You can give it to me
But it’s ok if You don’t
I’m not here for those things
The touch of Your love is enough on its own

No matter what, I still love You
And I’m gonna need You

First cake creation/Cupcakes

So here is the result of my first creation, 2 weeks ago. A little kiddy, but that's ok. We all had to do the same design, just to get some techniques down. The next week's class was cupcake decorating. We learned a few techniques for those, but I'll have to just practice more at home to perfect them. Enjoy the pics from both weeks! Next week is our final class and we're doing a whole, full sized cake. I'll definitely post pictures!

Aspirations in progress...

So, tonight is the 2nd class of my cake decorating class I'm taking at Hobby Lobby! Last week we learned basic directions on preparing icing and what to expect this coming week. We're actually decorating a cake this week. I'm sure it will be pretty simple, but I'm excited to start learning stuff! My cake is in the oven as we speak, yes a yellow cake from scratch. I've always been all about baking from scratch. I guess I can blame that on my mom and grandmother's skills rubbing off on me through the years.

This really was something that spawned from the difficulty we had losing our baby in July. And now being able to do it has really given me something to keep my spirits up, striving for something, and beginning a new endeavor in my life out of a time that has been extremely painful. So I'll take pictures tonight and post later!

Getaways

Nate and I just recently celebrated our 3rd anniversary! Can't believe it's been that long and can't believe all that has happened in our lives in 3 short years. I still feel, every day, that I am the most blessed woman on earth with the man I have been given. That's the truth!!

We celebrated by going out of town for the weekend to Artesian Lakes Resort in Cleveland, TX. It was a nice getaway of peace, quiet, relaxation, and enjoyment of uninterrupted time together. I mean this place is crazy quiet. No televisions, cell phone service (it's out in the boonies), or wi-fi access at all. We couldn't even get the internet on the i-phone! But honestly, we weren't trying too hard, either. It felt good to not have to feel connected to everyone at all times, just enjoying each other's company. I can't even count the number of Yahtzee games we played... me being the master of that game, I might add. :D

We really needed the time away. Our lives were torn apart and thrown upside down when we lost our baby, July 20. I was almost 11 weeks, just a few weeks shy of our 2nd trimester. It's been the hardest thing I've ever faced in my life. I can't describe the pain that it's been, sadness, and turmoil that we've faced mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. As I laid there those 6 days during the actual miscarriage, feeling and waiting for it to be over, I felt so lonely. God has never left me and I know this for sure, but it's such an empty feeling. I still am struggling greatly, and know it takes time. Even months, from lots of things I've read. We're still grieving for lack of a better word, so thus the needed trip away! It was healing, relaxing, and a great time of being able to focus on other things away from home.

It still is difficult. Nate and I both struggle at the most unexpected times, and I'm sure it's normal. I know it will just take time, and the Lord promises to make all things new. We have hope and we know we'll see our little one in Heaven. What a precious thought and truth that we'll see her one day! I often think of why the Lord did this (to us), but a new truth I've been shown is that God allowed this (for the baby). And how blessed this baby was to have a fast track ticket to Heaven, never having to experience the pain of this world.

So it's not necessarily what the Lord did TO us, but what the Lord did FOR our child. It makes it just a tad more bearable and I love that we can trust Him in his promises for our lives. We look forward to the Lord working in our lives through this, if nothing else to be able to know and have sensitivity to others for what it's like to go through this. We anxiously wait for His healing and the truth of his promise of making all things new to be manifested, whether on this earth or with Him one day.

We already scheduled another weekend getaway at the same place this winter, and we're so excited!

Aspirations....

My mom and I have had a fantastic time the last few days hanging out, doing girly, fun stuff!! She's been trying to keep my mind off the disheartening news we got from the doctor on July 6th. It's been really hard, but we're having faith the the Lord's plan is perfect, so now we just wait. We're waiting to see positive changes in the baby's development. We did get to see the heartbeat which was amazing, and a good thing from the doctor's words!! Seeing the heartbeat is a really good sign. We're praying for our child and praying for its life.

So, today we went to this awesome little cafe, Pie in the Sky, and had a great lunch. Upon walking in, my heart jumped a little, as it totally looks like a place I used to dream of having, one day.

I absolutely love to bake, and would love to own my own restaurant or business, with an all in one, pastries, sandwiches, ice cream, coffee shop! Yeah, that's a lot, all in one cafe! I mentioned it once again to my mom, as I've done many times in the past. She said, "Why don't you?" So we began to brainstorm. Of course, who knows if the ultimate cafe would ever work out, but I would LOVE to at least have my own cake baking thing going on in my very own kitchen to sell cakes that I so love to bake! There really is a lot of love that goes into my baking. I would agree it's the final touch to the taste of the cake.

So, with that said, I'm going to take a class at Hobby Lobby to learn cake decorating. I know how to do the usual frosting and icing on cakes, but nothing cool! So I'm dedicated to learning these things, in hopes to eventually be able to bake cakes for others! Ahhh, it makes me so excited! So there you have it folks... aspirations in a nutshell... :)

8 weeks!

Yeah!! 2 months, 7 more to go :) Tomorrow is the big day! We get to have an ultrasound and my first actual appointment at 11:30!! Cannot wait to see what's going on inside! I've experience no nausea/sickness up to this point and feel absolutely fine other than the exaggerated tiredness, mild cramping, and my tummy feeling bigger.

We went to Babies-R-Us for the first time last weekend, just to get an idea of what's out there. We had a ton of fun. Nate is absolutely going to be the best daddy!! He loved looking at all the stuff..hehe...it was SO sweet to watch.

4th of July weekend was great!! We had fun with the whole family celebrating my mom's birthday Saturday night. We took her to Hyden's, which is this fantastic steak/seafood restaurant. I made a German chocolate cake (her favorite) and we came home to enjoy it after dinner. Last night we saw one of the most amazing firework shows put on...by our church!! We were astonished at how great it was, being a church funded show! It was 45 minutes long- well worth it! Our preacher also preached an amazing 2-part message. http://www.sermonaudio.com/sermoninfo.asp?SID=74101129105 and http://www.sermonaudio.com/sermoninfo.asp?SID=74102141295 if you want to listen. Great messages related to Christ's mission here on earth, fulfilling a prophesy in Isaiah, and the freedom He comes to bring. Our preacher is an expository preacher and is so richly gifted by his ability to teach the Bible. We're extremely blessed!

We'll update tomorrow after the appointment!!

7 Weeks!

Well, today starts week 7! At times it feels like the days are passing sooooo slowly, and other times I can't believe it has been 3 weeks already since we found out. Lots has happened in 3 short weeks, and I couldn't be happier to be experiencing this right now.

We joined a new church, which we are totally stoked about!!! We have been feeling the leading of the Holy Spirit in this direction, so we're really happy to have made the step and to be able to serve at Founder's Baptist Church in Spring, TX.

My parents AND grandparents have moved into their new homes as well, in the last 3 weeks. Mom and dad were able to sell their house, and my grandparents are starting their new life, since losing their home of over 20 years to a fire at the end of April. It seems like they're finally feeling the ability to move forward now, and we couldn't be happier for them. Praying they feel the Lord's comfort as they rebuild their entire life and grieve the loss of pets due to the fire.

Still not feeling much of anything!! Praise the Lord, the nausea that I keep hearing about has not hit me... hoping it stays that way! In some ways though, I think about it being kinda nice to be able to feel SOMETHING, just as an assurance that things are ok in there, hehe, but I know the minute i say that, and nausea hits, I'll regret it. So i'll take my symptom-free pregnancy right now and be thankful. Just have faith and continue praying for this little-bit. We have our ultrasound next Tuesday!! Yay!!

Lab Work

Man, my arms look crazy with all these lab draws! But I'm so thankful, because I can see our baby forming and my body responding accurately with these results! So, since our scare on Thursday, I got my lab results today!

Praise Him!! They still look great and are doubling appropriately. My HCG is 1596 (from 489 on Monday) and Progesterone is 14.4 (from 7.something Monday)!! Looks like everything is great! The nurse said everything looked normal so we're thankful. We have names for our little one already, but we'll share those later. :)

Last night we told my brother and sis-in-law!! It was super fun- definitely don't think they were expecting it!! Thursday, from the incident I had, the doctor took some blood work. Now I'm just waiting for the results to show on Monday, but I have complete confidence that they will look just fine. Nothing feels different, and the spotting/bleeding has totally tapered off- praise our awesome Lord!! We're so grateful!!

Please keep praying for the safety of this child and that he/she would be filled with life!

No major symptoms yet. Just overall feeling wiped out!

Our first official appointment is July 6 when we get to see the little-bit, and hear the heartbeat! Cannot wait!!!

(Still not telling the FB world until later... we're keeping at family and the few people who read this thing, as I'm using this as a way to journal my experience...thanks!!!)

Scare of a Lifetime

Today, at work, I began having some really bright red spotting. The kind that the nurse tells you to call immediately if you start seeing. I absolutely freaked out- got an appointment right away with the doctor. Nate came home, because I was scared I was having a miscarriage. I've never done this before, obviously, so anything I'm not expecting freaks me out. So we're waiting and waiting, tears pouring down my face like an absolute idiot in the waiting room. I have the not-so-fun type of ultrasound that you have to have when you're really early along- you girls know the kind i'm talking about... and wait some more. The suspense and worry/fret was just absolutely taking a toll on the both of us.

Basically, the little tiny, TINY sac they saw was perfect- in the doctor's words. He said it looks absolutely perfect for the time frame we're looking in (5 1/2 weeks), and didn't expect my labs to show anything but good numbers. Whew!!! Talk about a relief.

I really have never felt what I felt today. I know, I've only known for just under 2 weeks that we're having a baby, but in this SHORT amount of time, I've developed a love for this unborn child, this perfect creation the Lord is fitting together in my womb. It's really strange, the affection I already feel. So, to have the terror grip me that I may have lost this child, was extremely painful. I've never experienced a pain like that, and it's extremely hard to explain the feelings, accurately. I just know that I felt I lost something, and the emptiness was deafening. We're still not out of the woods yet, so we're praying and asking others whom we've told (yes our parents know now!!!!) to pray for this tiny creation.

We're both exhausted, emotionally/mentally, so... headed off to veg on the couch!!!

Wow!

Ok, so I got my results back today, from yesterday's lab draw and Praise the Lord, the numbers look great!!

Test Results

Well, yesterday I got my test results from Thursday's lab work. The levels are increasing appropriately, but I have to supplement for a specific level that is low. We get to tell the family in 3 days! Yay!! We're so excited and can't wait! Still not feeling a whole lot- except that pills make me feel pretty loopy. We're increasingly thankful for this experience!

6 more days until we tell the family- we really wanted it to be a HUGE surprise, so nobody- i mean, NOBODY knew we were even thinking about babies!! It was so fun keeping it a secret between just the 2 of us. So with that said, using Father's day as the way of breaking the news gave us an even better opportunity to tell them. They'll be getting cards anyway, (actually father's day cards to a grandpa) so why would they think anything differently? hehe. We're so sly! I'll be 6 weeks at that point. :D

Still not feeling much of anything other than random mild cramps on my right side. Occasionally will have a quick feeling of nausea that goes away as quickly as i notice it. Hoping that stays the same throughout!!

Mostly, we're so grateful to have this little creation forming in me- we've so been expecting this and wanting this since November. Makes the meaning of Psalm 139 affect me in a completely different way! I absolutely am astonished at the Lord's miracle He's creating in me.

Big news :)

We found out some big new today...

I'm pregnant!!! Nate and I found out Sunday, June 6 with a few positive home pregnancy tests. Talk about a surreal moment- it was awesome!!! In the past, I often thought about what I would feel, and what it would be like the day I read that positive test. It didn't turn out the way I had imagined. I'll explain.

Nate and I officially decided to start the baby journey in November 2009. So I got off BC in December and officially began trying in February. After a few months of sad outcomes with negative results, I had begun to fear it would be a difficult journey for us. I had faith that it was in the Lord's hands, but this cycle was different. After having 3 months of no's, we decided to be a little more diligent with the process and I began to chart my temperatures. So we were both VERY aware of what was going on with my body. So we knew what to expect, and the signs were pointing to me being pregnant! Yay!!! I had been testing up to that point and they were all negatives. Then Sunday came the positive, so Nate was right there with me. It wasnt too much of a surprise..hehe. I had imagined me being alone, and somehow telling Nate in a cool way that he was going to be a daddy. I had always imagined it being this huge shock and surprise and had no idea it would take a little longer than expected. Again, 4 months of trying is nothing compared to what I've heard, and it was easy-breezy compared to what the situation could have been. Nate and I were in shock AFTER the fact, and still are.

My blood work from Monday 6/7 came back that I'm definitely pregnant. I had more drawn on Thursday 6/10 to make sure the hormones are all increasing properly, so I'm waiting to hear those results. I'll know Monday. Eek, and it's Friday. Nice long weekend of waiting.

Soooo... according to babycenter, my due date is Valentine's day! 2/14/2011. I won't know definitely until I have an official appointment with the doctor. We're waiting to tell my family on Father's day weekend, then everyone else can know! I'll be 5 weeks this Monday, so just BARELY pregnant. But it's still amazing!

I'll keep this thing posted (although i'm saving as drafts for now, until my family knows) pretty frequently i'm sure. We're SUPER excited and still in a bit of a daze. hehe.

Once I start posting these, we're still keeping it quiet on the facebook world at least until I'm further along. So few people read this thing, so it should be alright!

Spring!!

Oh, how I cannot wait for Spring to show it's shining face. As much as I do love the cold weather (even as a born southerner), I really am excited for it to go back to it's slumber. I'm ready for the grass to turn green and flowers to bloom. I'm mostly excited to finally put some cute plants in our yard without fear of them freezing over night. All in due time, though :)

We have been so blessed!! We have our precious Noah (our new nephew) in our world now. He is such a sweet little guy. Nate and I have been in our house and are currently just taking it day by day. Life lately has been full of me and my stupid sinus infection, cousin's wedding stuff, and my parents trying to sell their home. Other than that, we're just hanging out.

Brad Paisley at the HLS this week! Can't wait to see him and for Nate and I to have a fun, LONG weekend together.

Until next time...