I was in college at Texas State. I dunno, maybe my junior year? One afternoon, my brother and I (we lived together) were working on our school stuff, and I remembered I needed to bake a cake for an event later that night. I begin baking it and was completely starving (since this always happens when baking yummy stuff). There was a KFC coupon that I had for a free basket or something like that.. we all know how college students like free stuff, so who could pass up on something so awesome??! So, as soon as the cake was in the oven, I shot out the door so I could get back in time before it was done baking.
Mind you, I didn't even grab my purse which means I now don't have my license or insurance. Just my keys and this oh-so-important coupon.
So, I'm on my merry way coming back from KFC, a little unnerved that I didn't have my purse with me, but just decided to drive super careful and do all the right things to avoid a pull over. About 2 blocks from our apartment, I meet a police car coming the opposite way and my heart started beating just a tad. But no, I was doing everything right so I didn't need to worry! Low and behold, this cop whips around and turns his lights on. For me?! Is he coming after me? There's no other car in sight, oh my gosh, I'm peeing my pants! I don't have my purse!!!
So, I'm literally about to start panicking..
The police officer walks up to my window and says I wasn't doing anything wrong, but they were looking for someone, and my car fit the description. Oh gee whiz.. So he still starts up with the whole "license and registration" stuff. Now, if it's clear I'm not the guy you're looking for, why couldn't he have just let me go and enjoy my box of KFC. AND, I didn't want my cake to burn!! I looked at him with this pitiful look and said I lived just around the corner and didn't have my purse with me... that I had run out real quickly and just forgot to grab my purse. I mean, that's a major offense right there.. driving with no license or insurance?! That's like a hand cuff type of situation.. well, maybe not that bad. What do I know about the law? All I knew is it was a bad situation and of course, it's being dramatized in my head with absolute panic. Thoughts like, "is he going to ask me to step out of the car?!" He had every right to! "What happens when you don't have the right paperwork!" "Can I cry my way out of this?!" "Maybe my large bust can help?!" Haha.. jk, I didn't really think that. But wait, it continues to gets better...
He then looks at my windshield and says, "ma'am, you also have an expired inspection sticker." NO WAY!!! OH MAN, i hoped he hadn't noticed. So strike three. I'm really going to the slammer, now. All for KFC. Just a KFC basket! At that moment I couldn't say the trip was worth it. If you can just imagine my sheer terror at this point. If you could feel at the scardest, lowest point of your life, this was it for me. All I could think of was him slapping some handcuffs on me, and me looking like the "COPS"-style, stereotypical chic on the side of the road, drunk and barefoot, with handcuffs behind her..minus the drunk part. He's now pointed out that I don't have my driver's license, insurance, and I also don't have a law-required, current inspection on my car.
Here's how the conversation went.. pay attention.
Officer: "Ma'am, you also have an expired inspection sticker."
Me: "Oh really? I didn't know it went out this month. I'm really sorry!" Haha.. I apologized. But at this point I would have apologized for being born if it meant he'd let me go.
Officer: "Well you're really in a jam here. No license, no registration, no inspection sticker... Is that KFC?!"
NO LIE, I swear!!!! He literally did a double take when he saw those chicken strips in my passenger seat. It was as if the KFC altered his personality. He suddenly turned into this jovial, nice cop at the sight of that unopened box of chicken. He proceeded to ask if they were those new naked chicken strips. Kinda weirded me out that this officer even said the word naked to me, but who cared... His mind was off the major laws I had just so greatly broken. They weren't the naked strips, but should I say yes? Would that make the situation continue to improve?? I said no, like an idiot. "No, they're just the regular strips. I had a coupon." haha.. I had a coupon.. I was so nervous at this point, I think anything remotely ridiculous could have come out of my mouth. He proceeds to talk about these naked chicken strips and how good they were and that I needed to try them some day. "Yes, yes I will definitely give those a try".. my voice shaking. At this point I would have agreed to get out of my car and do the hokey pokey!!
He then tells me to have a nice day and apologizes for inconveniencing me!!! He lets me drive away, never again questioning anything else. Nothing! He had ZERO concern that I had nothing legal going on whatsoever about my driving experience that day. So, I drove away and literally didn't know what just happened.
I have never been so lucky in my life. I usually am the one that gets myself in these really sticky situations and has the WORST luck on the planet. I don't believe in luck, but you know what I mean. I totally got out of a major situation.. if not getting in major trouble, it would have at least been a crazy expensive ticket. And, I owe it all to that glorious box of KFC!!
So that's how you get out of a ticket, my friends. No water works, no flaunting of body parts, no puppy eyes or flirting. Just a good ole' box of greasy chicken!!
1 comment:
OMG!!! I'm sitting here almost crying from laughing at my desk at work. That story is too hilarious!
I can't believe that. Talk about the power of FOOD! :-) Well, congrats to you, ha ha. I obviously need tips! I would have been scared out of my mind too...
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